The Hardest Thing In This World
by spikessweetgirl
Summary: Dawn was the one to jump into the portal at the end of the gift. Keeping to her word to Giles, Buffy decides to quit slaying. Sensing her need to escape Sunnydale, Spike takes her to LA. This is a Spike/Buffy story


_**A/N: Most of the dialogue and actions in this chapter was taken from the episode The Gift**_

"I sacrificed Angel to save the world. I loved him so much...but I knew. What was right. I don't have that any more. I don't understand. I don't know how to live in this world, if these are the choices, if everything's just stripped away then I don't see the point. I just wish...I wish my mom was here," Buffy turned at looked at her watcher with tears in her eyes and a sense of grim determination. She stood up from the bench and headed for the door. She then turned to Giles, hurt and resignation in her eyes. "The spirit guide told me that Death was my gift. I guess that means a Slayer really is just a killer after all."

Giles didn't know what to say to that. The research they had both done about slayers and where their power might have originated from...it had taken them both to places that they had both never been, yet there still wasn't an answer. But he did know one thing. Slayers were good. They were the heroes, protecting humankind from the surrounding darkness. There was no possible way that they could be killers. He didn't know what the spirit guide had meant by what it had told Buffy...but he was pretty sure that it wasn't what Buffy was assuming it meant.

"I think that you're wrong about that."

"It doesn't matter. If Dawn dies, then I'm done with it. I'm quitting."

And with that, she was gone, leaving her watcher to stare after her with his own broken heart. His slayer had reached her breaking point one again. Before with Angel and now with Dawn. He knew that the death of her sister was the one thing that would break Buffy for good. She had survived Angel's demise. Had dealt with it and put it behind her and had moved on. But it was different with Dawn. Dawn was closer to Buffy than Angel had ever been. She was Buffy's blood. Her sister in every way. It didn't matter that she was only a creation of the monks. She was real now and she was Buffy's family...the only one closer to her than Joyce had been before her unfortunate death. Buffy had lost her mother. She couldn't lose her sister too.

He closed his eyes and pinched his nose as he hoped that the scoobies plan worked. That they could distract Glory until the window to use Dawn closed, because if Dawn was bled, and the dimensions were opened... there was no other course of action that he had found that would close them. Dawn was going to have to die. Whether Buffy liked it or not.

Her heart in her throat, Buffy climbed the tower as fast as her strength would allow. She' would probably feel it for a few weeks afterward, but that didn't matter. What mattered was reaching the top. Reaching Dawn. Someone was up there, she was certain of that because she saw Spike being thrown from the tower, foiled from saving her sister. Whoever was up there, their time was short and they had better not touch her sister.

Finally she reached the top to find that indeed Dawn wasn't alone. There was a skinny little man standing before her with a knife, looking all too pleased with himself.

"Dawn," Buffy stated, a pillar of determination as she began to stride towards her sister, determined to get to her before that man could cut her.

"Buffy,"Dawn gasped, just as the man turned and gracefully threw the knife he was holding at Buffy. Without even a blink, Buffy batted the knife away.

"Well, this should be interest...," The man's drawl turned into a scream as Buffy pushed him over the edge without even breaking her stride. She didn't even hear the wet splat on the concrete below, silencing him forever.

"Buffy, it hurts...," Dawn sniffed as Buffy began to untie her.

"I got you. It's going to be ok," Buffy reassured her sobbing sister, her own heart breaking at Dawn's tears, yet she felt a sense of relief. She had gotten there in time. She had saved her sister.

"Oh God, Buffy..."

Buffy looked down in time to see that Dawn was bleeding. She hadn't been on time after all. That little man or whatever he had been had cut Dawn after all. Her eyes widened as the blood pooled down onto Dawn's foot and then dripped off into the air...

They both watched as the blood turned into a ball of energy.

Buffy finished untying Dawn and began to drag her down the platform, away from the edge, but Dawn resisted and forced Buffy to stop. Buffy looked at her with wide frightened eyes.

"Come on!" She again gave Dawn's hand another tug, but Dawn wouldn't budge.

The younger girl looked at the ball of energy taking form in the sky then back at Buffy as the platform began to rumble and shake. "I can't!"

"What? We have to get down!"

Dawn shook her head, a tear dripping from her eyes. "Buffy...it's started."

Buffy watched as bolts of lightning flashed in the night sky, ripping open dimensions that contained monsters and creatures that even she had never seen before. It was a horrible sight and she knew that she had lost, but she didn't care. All she cared about was Dawn and getting her to safety, making sure that she was safe.

"I'm sorry," Dawn sobbed

"It doesn't matter," Buffy shook her head, confused on why Dawn was apologizing. It wasn't her fault. It was Glory's for starting this mess and it was Buffy's, for being too late. "Nothing..."

Dawn didn't let her finish. She shook Buffy off and made a run for it, but Buffy grabbed her again, stopping her. "What are you doing?"

"I can end this!" Dawn yelled through her tears, her eyes pleading with Buffy to let her go.

What was she talking about? How did she...? No...no, she couldn't be even thinking about what Buffy was thinking she was..."No!"

"I have to jump. The energy..."

"It'll kill you!"

"I know. Buffy, I know about the ritual! I have to stop it!"

"No!"

"I have to! Look at what's happening!"

Both girls watched as a dragon came flying past them, emerging from one of the opening portals in the sky.

"I don't care! I won't lose you!" Buffy gripped her sister's arms, her green eyes pleading for Dawn to stop this foolishness and just listen to her and come down from the portal, but still Dawn was resisting her.

"You have to! You have to let me go! Blood starts it, and until the blood stops flowing it'll never stop. You know that you have to let me..."

"No," Buffy shook her head, despair clear in her eyes. On some level, she knew that Dawn was right, that there was no other way...but she just couldn't accept this. She couldn't let her sister go! She didn't care if it was the end of the world. She had given up so much. Too much. A normal life. Angel. College. Her mother...she couldn't be expected to give up her sister too...she refused...

"It has to be the blood," Dawn sobbed, the tears this time was clear in her eyes. "I love you, Buffy. You were the best big sister that I could ever ask for and I've learned so much from you. Especially about how to be brave and how to make the big decisions. This is my time to be brave Buffy...to be just what you taught me. I have to do this...for the world...just like you would have..."

Buffy shook her head, her brain refusing to process what was happening. She tightened her grip on Dawn, refusing to release her. Hot tears poured from her eyes. At that moment, she didn't feel like the strong slayer that she was supposed to be. She felt like a scared little girl, who was about to lose everything. "Dawn, please...I'm not brave...and I'm not strong. I don't care about the world...not when it means giving you up..."

"I know," Dawn's smile was sad, yet serene with the knowledge of what she had to do. "I know and I'm sorry that it has to be this way...but there's no other choice Buffy. You can't save me. Not this time. Not when it means the lives of the whole world. You have to let me go..."

"Dawn, no..."

Dawn wrapped her arms around Buffy, holding her tight, knowing that her heart was breaking just as well as her own. "It's the right thing to do, Buffy. You taught me that. Remember, this is not your fault. Don't push them away. Don't push him away. He does love you. It's in his eyes..."

"Who?" Buffy frowned, confused by Dawn's words.

"Spike. He's for real Buffy. Let him love you. Let him take care of you. Promise me..."

"Dawn..."

There was another loud rumble and again the platform shook, this time forcing the sister's apart. Dawn took advantage of the moment. She took one last look at Buffy, mentally saying goodbye and then she was off and running as fast as she could, not giving herself time to think about what she was doing and hoping for once that she was faster than her sister. That Buffy's shock and grief would slow her down.

Reaching the edge, she looked back, Buffy was right upon her, her hand stretched out to grab her back. She was almost there. Just another inch...but Dawn was too fast. Just as Buffy was about to grab her, Dawn leaped off of the edge of the platform, leaving Buffy grasping empty air.

"Dawn? Dawn no!" Buffy screamed as she watched her sister dive into the portal and hang there in midair, her face a mask of pain. "Dawn!"

Buffy pushed through her shock. She didn't have time for it. She had to reach Dawn somehow...save her...because if she died...well that wasn't even allowed to be a possibility! So she pushed through her shock and the threatening grief and made her way down the tower as fast as she could, hoping to reach Dawn in time to catch her...to do something to stop her own personal world from ending! So intent on reaching the bottom, she didn't even notice the dimensions closing, the world returning to normal. All that she could think about was reaching her sister.

When she reached the bottom, what she found drained out all feeling from her body. Dawn's lifeless body lay amongst the debris. Not to far away was Spike, sobbing into his hands. Giles was also there, the tears clear in his eyes. There was Willow and Tara crying as well and Xander, carrying a sobbing Anya in his arms. But all of their tears meant nothing to Buffy. The only thing that Buffy cared about was the lifeless body laying there. The shell of the girl that had once been her sister. She didn't care that Dawn hadn't been real...that the memories she had were fake...to her...in her heart...those memories were real. They knitted together a bond...a love so great, Buffy knew she'll never feel anything like it again. Her sister...Dawn...was gone and Buffy was alone. Again.

She sank down onto the stairs, hot tears coursing down her face, her earlier words from the training room resounding in her ears.

"_It doesn't matter. If Dawn dies...I'm done with it. I quit..."_

She had meant ever word...but at that moment, even that didn't matter. What mattered was that her sister was gone. Once again, she had failed to save the one person that she loved more than anything.


End file.
